Why I’ve been So Quiet Lately

makes alot of sense to me – have a read and see what you think πŸ™‚

Create a beautiful life

new beginnnings

New Beginning’s

Its time to write the blog post that I have been contemplating writing for the last 2 weeks. It means opening up, being vulnerable and truly authentic.

All the things I believe in and encourage others to do. So here it is!

If you follow me on social media, or follow my blog posts and newsletter you may have noticed it’s all gone a little quiet my end lately.. Β even on my favourite social media, Instagram (shock horror! yes shocked me too! )

I guess the way to describe it is I’m in the middle of my own transformation, awakening, however you want to look at it.. and I’ve needed to take some time for myself, to work on the things that are important to me, and also work out what is important to me.

Stepping back from everything and accessing whats working and what isn’t.. re-evaluating my…

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Anxiety crashes and sleepless nights

Hi again everyone πŸ™‚

So recently I talked more about the spoon theory and gave it a little twist. So today I am going to talk about anxiety crashes and sleepless nights!

Recently I have been crashing and burning both in terms of my physical spoons (energy) and my mental spoons (anxiety). At the moment my mental spoons are all ‘evaporating’ and taking my physical spoons away from me – hence anxiety crashes and sleepless night – I haven’t used all of my physical spoons and I am so sleepy – but I have some physical spoons left so I wake up…. ITS SO ANNOYING!!!! Sleep for me is something that helps me get my spoons back but if I can’t sleep I can’t recoup my spoons so I am taking to resting in my bed without sleeping to try and trick my brain into going to sleep.

Does anyone else get insomnia with anxiety?? I know it comes with depression but does it come with anxiety? But recently I realised something and I calmed right down – I have a few other things to look at but I am able to look with a calmer mind and it helps alot πŸ™‚

Right this was short and sweet, speak soon.

TTFN

The Spoon Theory with an added twist

Hey all πŸ™‚

Sorry I have been quiet for a little while, I was having a good(ish) period and as I have been quite busy I just haven’t gotten around to writing anything so many many apologies.

Like I say I WAS having a good(ish) period but recently everything has hit me at once and I have just crashed and burned and keep crashing an burning. Its at times like these I remember that I need to meditate and I need to actually take care of myself in that I need to sleep properly and I need to eat properly – sadly my depression is kicking my ass and so insomnia is creeping in which really is NOT helping matters…. but I digress – to the spoon theory πŸ™‚

So I have previously mentioned the spoon theory before, if you are new to my blog go check out my previous blogs or to read the spoon theory go check out this blog post – http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/ . When re-reading the spoon theory – which i have used to explain how I feel and it really does hit home with people – I realised that it only makes reference to the physical side of any illness, what it fails to account for is people who live with any sort of mental health issues such as depression or anxiety. Christine does mention towards the end of her post about keeping a spoon in reserve but its again a physical reserve.

So here is my little twist, if you – like myself and many others – live with any mental health issues when accounting for your daily spoons you may well need to count them up and put maybe a third of them in reserve just in case something happens that may trigger an episode. So I think I am quite lucky in that I often wake up and have I would equate to around 12-15 spoons on one given day (I know everybody works their spoons out differently – I do mine in terms of hours but a shower can take 3 spoons and thats like 30mins of my day so go figure :/) on a bad day I can sadly have as few as 3 spoons and on a really really bad day I have enough of a spoon to get me from my bed to the bathroom and back and thankfully a very amazing partner who will make sure I eat and drink to get my spoons back in order… again I digress…

So if I wake up with say 15 spoons I need to put aside 5 spoons for just in case something triggers an anxiety attack, if I have not had any sort of attack then I can keep these spoons in storage or (in my case) I can go make something I had not planned to make that day and get a little bit ahead of my crafting stuffs (always a bonus this time of year as I am making christmas gifts). The same equation works if I have only got 3 spoons, I need to make sure I have at least 1 set aside for a ‘bad’ moment.

So yeah that was my little take on the spoon theory and a little bit about how I deal with energy both physical and mental. I have written this and given you like a ‘how to’ in terms of equations etc. but I just want to point out that this is very much still a work in progress for me. In the words of Jesse J “I’m still working on my masterpiece”

TTFN you wonderful lot πŸ™‚

New Adventures

Hey there guys and dolls πŸ™‚

So yesterday I made a MONUMENTALY HUGE decision – I chose to quit my job and go full steam ahead with starting a new business.

So let me give you a little bit of background – this all started about a week ago (that I am aware of). On Wednesday night (5th Aug) around 9.30pm I was talking to a friend and agreed that I would make her a teddy bear (I make things lol – go check out my other blog craftyquiltsblog.worpdress.com) and I agreed to have it made and delivered to her (way up in geordie territory) by the weekend (8th/9th Aug) I then realised that the next day (6th Aug) I was going to the quilt festival with my famalam for my birthday πŸ™‚ so I had to make it quicker than usual. So I went upstairs and got all my stuff ready and sat down and started to work it all out – we talked through a couple of fabric choices and then I realised I had almost enough purple fur to make a furry bear – total first for me – and so i set to work placing the templates on the fabric and drawing and cutting them πŸ™‚ this went on till midnight when I gave up the ghost for the night and went to bed for a few hours. I had a shit nights sleep constantly awake and never sleeping for more than n hour and so I got up at 6am and finished the cutting i had left and started the assembly process – I worked non stop (with only 1 minor mistake) until I packed it in its box at 8.20 I then went and had a quick shower m when i got out (8.40) the parcelforce guy was here to pick it up and take it on its way for 24hr delivery. I finished getting ready and my grandad arrived at 8.50 just as I poured out my cereal and he sat with me whilst I had breakfast and opened my birthday presents form my amazeballs partner πŸ™‚ we then went to collect my granny and then got on our way to the NEC for the festival of quilts. I was like an excited child all day and we were walking around looking at quilts and visiting stands for 5 hours before we came home. I got home and sorted out an application form for a craft fair and then lots of other little things and didn’t stop till dinner arrived (the obligitory birthday takeaway lol), around 10.30pm I realised everything was starting to hurt so i decided to call it a night and go to bed – this is when I realised I was exhausted – it was like moving through sludge both physically and mentally :/ uh oh… and I had a 9am appointment for a mental health assesment the next day :/ I managed to get up, get dressed, eat and get a taxi to my appointment on time n I managed to get through my appointment, when I got home however I knew I needed to sleep so I took myself of to bed but I did not have the energy to even get undressed so my wonderful partner had to undress me and put me to bed – much like you would expect of a parent (or other) to put an exhausted toddler to bed. This exhaustion lasted for 5 days and caused me to call in sick to work and got the ball rolling for me to quit a job I loved dearly.

So on to my new adventure πŸ™‚ I am looking seriously into getting a craft business up and running and after talking to a friend I am going to be taking on a business partner πŸ™‚ I also have a degree to do and a dissertation to sort out. wish me luck my little bloggy famalam πŸ™‚

TTFN I shall keep you all posted as to how stuff goes πŸ™‚ xx

Triggers and Stress/ Anxiety

Hey Guys and Dolls πŸ™‚

How are you all? I hope you are all doing ok πŸ™‚

So today I wanted to discuss what I believe are my triggers for my seizures. Over the years I have been asked to keep seizure diarys and to note down how I was feeling before an episode and take note of any similarities to see if I could work out what any of my triggers were. Through doing this I have worked out that my triggers are:

heat – so summer is the absolute worst time of year for me :/

being over tired – so if i dont get enough sleep I am more likely to have a seizure

not looking after myself eg. not eating or drinking properly – so being on a diet is not always a good idea

the biggest of them all is stress and anxiety – damn my brain for overthinking and jumping to the worst possible conclusion :/

So today I had to call Derby Pathfinders in order to reschedule an appointments as I didn’t read the last letter properly which told me I had to call them in order to confirm the appointment – wel I say I didn’t read it but my mind may have just gone NOPE as I am terrified of calling people. A wierd anxiety of mine is an irrational fear of making phone calls, I honestly have no idea why calling someone to make an apointment scares me so much, what is wierder is in my previous job as a support worker I used to have to phone and make apointments for service usersΒ Β  and I had no issue doing this but if I have to make an appointment for myself I am terrified. So back to todays call, I had no choice but to ring them so I did – all day I have been feeling really off, I have been dizzy, nauseous and unable to focus for very long on one thing and had an uncontrolable urge to scratch (wierd thing I do when nervous/ stressed/ anxious) I couldn’t work out why until I realised I had to make this phone call – I made the call and the appointment is being rescheduled. I was only on the phone for a couple of minutes but I was scratching my chest non stop and my anxiety levely have shot up and I feel so sick and I just want to scream…..

Ok so I had to take a break from writing this blog as my anxiety levels were through the roof after making the ‘the call’Β  and go and meditate just to calm myself down – I used this video from youtube – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2UKw8tFYyY – feeling much calmer now and my feelings of dizzyness and nausea have gone πŸ™‚

Knowing my triggers has helped me to avoid seizures, I am now more aware of temperatures, if I notice that im getting to warm I take myself of somewhere to cool down for a few minutes, if I am begining to feel ‘over tired’ I make sure to go to bed earlier – even if its just me lying in bed relaxing its better than nothing – orif I can I will try to have a nap. The not eating and drinking enough is something I have to monitor every day, I fill up a 2 litre bottle with water every dayΒ  and aim to finish it each day before I go to bed, filling the bottle helps me to minitor what I drink, as for eating – I usually remember, if not my partenr is pretty good at reminding me to eat lol.

If you dont already know what your triggers are, try working out what brings on an attack/ seizure/ episode. Knowing them canΒ  help prevent an attack/ seizure/ episodeΒ  πŸ™‚

TTFN xxxx

OOPS!!!

Hey up everone πŸ™‚

So I just realised that I posted a blog to this site which was meant for my other blog – craftyquiltsblog – sorry. I think I have mentioned previously that I craft as a way to relax and calm myself and you can now see what I make.

Sorry I will do another blog later thats actually to do with my hidden disability

bye xx

Completing WIP

Hey Guys and Dolls,

So I think I have previously mentioned that at new years I, along with a friend, decided that we would finish of all our little WIP projects. In my case many of my WIP are full sized quilts so not what you would call ‘small’ projects. Whilst I have blogged about at least 3 of my quilts, what I haven’t blogged about is all the other little projects I have done so todays blog is going to be showing you what I have made so far this year.

January WIP

Chevron Points Quilt

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This quilt I made for my Aunty Jennie – I had been working on it for bout 7 months – possibly longer but decided to get it done and sent to her just afer she moved into her new house πŸ™‚

February WIP

Vintage Embroidered Table Cloth Quilt

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This beauty was originally supposed to be a wedding present for a couple of amazing friends and it got sent over a year late :/ oopsy….

March WIP

Craft Fair Items

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I made loads of items for the craft fair and I am sure I have a better picture of everything but this picture shows a few of the kilner pin cushion jars I made

April WIP

Baby Quilts

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so my partners sister had a baby recently and she asked me to make a quilt for him and for her daughter – sadly i cannot locate a picture of the finished baby boys quilt :/

May WIP

Log Cabin Quilt

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so this amazing quilt I made for my grandparents – they asked me well over a year ago about making it but I just kept stop starting but eventually I got it finished and so far it has been one of the hardest quilts I have had to give away – I love it SOOOOOOOOOOO much – i may havae to make me a simaler one lol

June WIP

Camilla Quilt

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So this darling quilt was actually my first paid for commisioned quilt πŸ™‚ It was a new project and I think it took me around 8 weeks to do – I was doing it around studying and working. I had oodles of fun making it as I wasnt really given to many instructions for it so I just let my creative side go WILD πŸ™‚

July WIP

Cath Kidston Inspired Lime Twist Quilt

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This is my most recent completed full size quilt πŸ™‚ This was a new project, although I had been trying to decide what to make I hadnt really made up my mind as to what to do – although I think I actually started this back in Feb/ March time. I made this for my Aunty Karen, she love love loves Cath Kidston so i decided to make her a Cath Kidston inspired quilt – I gave it to her yesterday and she loves it.

So as you can see I have been busy finishing of projects as well as starting and FINISHING new ones πŸ™‚ must say I am very proud to have actually completed things as up until a few years ago I dont think I had ever finished anything I started other than my GCSE’s πŸ™‚ These are all my ‘bigger’ makes, as well as these I have also made multiple How Joyfull Bears and various other little things, but more on those later πŸ™‚

TTFN xx

this is a reblog of a friends blog

Learning to love my body.

This is a simple yet powerfull vlog of a young lady, who I am proud to call my friend, learning to accept her body. Whilst my blog is about how I live with a hidden disability, Nics disability is not hidden and her blog discussus how a young woman, who happens to have cerabal palsy, gets along in day to day life in a society that focusses more on a persons DISabilility rather than thier ABILITY and more on what they are like on the OUTSIDE rather than the INSIDE